I goofed up again.
I knew my stress levels were high....and I ended up loosing my temper on hearing my sister give advice on my dad's illness.
I had told myself to watch out.
As I went downstairs to meditate, I could feel it coming on. It was this feeling of dread, of fatigue, of stress, taking over my whole body.
Today was a really tiring day. Once again over stretched my body. Went to work which was quite a traffic nightmare to get to, spent almost 4 and a half hours there, then came back and within an hour had to go to my music class, came back had to finish work that was due by 8pm, then hardly took a shower and was down to meditate.
By the time i was in the meditation room i could feel myself in pain. It was the first time the fatigue was so high and I realized how difficult it is for me to meditate.
In fact meditation isn't a very pleasant experience for me I realized.
I've been technically meditating for over 8 years now. And though i may have unconsciously realized it before, it was only yesterday when i went over the list of things that have made me happy in the last 6 months, I realized that my meditation didn't even feature in it. In fact it was my friend who first brought this to my notice. When she said it, it made me look back, made me see and realize that with a mind that has so much baggage, with pain in my body, with excruciating amounts of stress in my system, meditation is far from relaxing, its more stressful for me.
In fact I felt myself for the first time sitting and and trying to find a way to make the experience more pleasant for my body and mind.
The realization of the need to relax myself consciously, not give myself pain and stress, may be do Shavasana longer, spend more time on aum chanting and sukha kriya was very new. I realized my way of doing meditation is similar to the way i deal with my life....as though in an emergency, a rush. I always look to meditate better than the second person, be more connected to Sadhguru through my meditation than the person next to me, I have to be best at meditation also.
Unfortunately, like everything else that i try to be best at, in meditation too I've realized in the trying to be number one, I realize I've turned meditation into one more task for me...............one more form of mental torture.
Things I take from today -
- Take on only as much as I can do. Even if i go to the office, I should go only for 2-3 hours, then head back
- Afternoon rest for an hour is necessary
- Relaxation is necessary and intermittent looking at my body to see its pain levels and mind to see its agitation levels. If feel like they are raising. Take a break from whatever activity i may be doing and do something that gives me happiness, pleasure and makes me feel relaxed.
- Looking at ways to make meditation a more joyful process for me rather than painful and stressful.
I knew my stress levels were high....and I ended up loosing my temper on hearing my sister give advice on my dad's illness.
I had told myself to watch out.
As I went downstairs to meditate, I could feel it coming on. It was this feeling of dread, of fatigue, of stress, taking over my whole body.
Today was a really tiring day. Once again over stretched my body. Went to work which was quite a traffic nightmare to get to, spent almost 4 and a half hours there, then came back and within an hour had to go to my music class, came back had to finish work that was due by 8pm, then hardly took a shower and was down to meditate.
By the time i was in the meditation room i could feel myself in pain. It was the first time the fatigue was so high and I realized how difficult it is for me to meditate.
In fact meditation isn't a very pleasant experience for me I realized.
I've been technically meditating for over 8 years now. And though i may have unconsciously realized it before, it was only yesterday when i went over the list of things that have made me happy in the last 6 months, I realized that my meditation didn't even feature in it. In fact it was my friend who first brought this to my notice. When she said it, it made me look back, made me see and realize that with a mind that has so much baggage, with pain in my body, with excruciating amounts of stress in my system, meditation is far from relaxing, its more stressful for me.
In fact I felt myself for the first time sitting and and trying to find a way to make the experience more pleasant for my body and mind.
The realization of the need to relax myself consciously, not give myself pain and stress, may be do Shavasana longer, spend more time on aum chanting and sukha kriya was very new. I realized my way of doing meditation is similar to the way i deal with my life....as though in an emergency, a rush. I always look to meditate better than the second person, be more connected to Sadhguru through my meditation than the person next to me, I have to be best at meditation also.
Unfortunately, like everything else that i try to be best at, in meditation too I've realized in the trying to be number one, I realize I've turned meditation into one more task for me...............one more form of mental torture.
Things I take from today -
- Take on only as much as I can do. Even if i go to the office, I should go only for 2-3 hours, then head back
- Afternoon rest for an hour is necessary
- Relaxation is necessary and intermittent looking at my body to see its pain levels and mind to see its agitation levels. If feel like they are raising. Take a break from whatever activity i may be doing and do something that gives me happiness, pleasure and makes me feel relaxed.
- Looking at ways to make meditation a more joyful process for me rather than painful and stressful.
No comments:
Post a Comment